Now that a big responsibility is on my shoulder, all i want to do now is to prove that i can do it. To show people that i'm capable of doing something and this is the reason why i'm pushing myself every day even though i seem like i could break down at any time of the day. This is even tougher than i can ever imagine, and in exchange of the time that i'm spending for this preparation, i'm aware of the things and people i have to sacrifice.
I know what's my limit and will stop only when i NEED to, not when i WANT to. So i sincerely hope that you wouldn't keep asking me to pull out from the camp. I don't need these kind of words or advices, but words of encouragements. For the fact of the people that i'm sacrificing, people have no idea how bad i feel inside every night. Not even much time for my parents. There isn't a night whereby i would reach home and sleep peacefully after washing up. For the things you have told me this afternoon, i'm truly disappointed.. i will let go when i need to and you can go all out to do whatever you want with your freedom.

It does gets a little tiring to constantly comparing myself with others. Feeling so lousy inside because i could have been someone who is so much better. I do get reassurances every single time but girls being girls, we can't help it but to compare. We girls always try to be at our best self so that we could potray ourselves better. I have no idea since when have i started acting like this because for the past 18 years of my life, i had NEVER compare myself with others. I used to believe i was good enough for the people who matter around me. My confidence was there even though i knew i wasn't the best. And i guess this is the reason why i've been so moody these few days. I don't know how but i gotta find my confidence back and i have to.

Well sad things aside... i can't wait for my exams to end as well as my academic year. It has been such a.... roller coaster kind of journey for me. I had totally been through the worst kind of days before and i never ever want to experience it again. I'm pretty aware how hectic my schedule gonna be since i have to handle 2 camps with all the preparations.. BUT i really hope i'm able to take at least 2 days off from it to have a staycation with b since we couldn't go overseas together. Really can't wait. At least something for me to look forward to :)